Why mommy is breaking down today.

Hello Eli,


It seems as though mommy is having a breakdown quite often these days. Today I actually have a reason. Emily found out she is having a boy. Oh joy. And all that I can do is think about the fact that my son should be here with me. To make matters worse, his middle name will be Scott. Just like yours. I just don't understand why a member of my family would do that? When they know that I am still grieving so much over the loss of you. I've heard the "maybe it's to honor Eli"... Don't you think that if that were the case, she would have at least told me about it? I'm sure it's after Robert. But that just seems all the more disrespectful to me. That's why I named you Eli SCOTT. She might as well just say "Since your son died, I'll use MY living son's name to honor YOUR stepdad". I get it, he was your birth uncle.. But that name was already chosen. Robert was already honored. I just don't understand it at all. I ended up deleting my facebook and I'm really hoping that I keep it down. All it seems to do is start drama and hurt my feelings. People don't think before they speak. I am included in that as well.


There are moments when I need you, son. Moments when I feel your loss so much more than I did just one moment before. It is definitely one of those moments. Last week at your Uncle Josh's house there was a football game on. I'm not going to pretend that I remember or know the football teams that were playing. But I do know that Eli Manning was on one of them. Every time I heard the name Eli my heart just dropped. It was really the first time I had heard anyone other than family use that name. Much less a sportscaster on television. The family across the street was outside about a month ago and the father and son were playing catch and your dad pulled the car under the carport and just started crying. We just don't know how to handle a life without you yet. We miss you so much.


Love you, Eli Scott.
-Mom